A standstill picture of a bittersweet memory…
I watched as the snow fall from within the warm nestled apartment. It fell so softly from the sky to the ground. In front of me was the floor to ceiling windows with an urban jungle behind it… It was midday. You were at work and I watched in silence thinking is this true? Where am I?
It was somewhat of a beautiful silence.
You revel in your own thoughts, your own mind. You feel your own feelings, and your own doings. I was in a white sleeveless dress while on the outside, it was a cold and ruthless winter. The wind could blow so fast and with so much cold, you could feel a cold catching on if you were caught in its grasp. I wondered about the outside world as if I can imagine what my day would be like if I wasn’t here. If I wasn’t there…
It would be the last day of our last meal. It would be the last day of our last silences together. It would be the last day of our last everything.
Inside, I wanted to cry. I wanted to stay. And I wanted to repeat this day forever. But alas it will always be captured as a memory…as a still image picture in my mind where I can place myself if I wanted to…to feel resilience..to feel beauty… Once you walked through that apartment door, I would feel a pang of pain. A pang of love. A pang of why. And a pang of…it will never be again…
I’d rather not feel. I’d rather not see with my eyes that you exist. That you were there…because that’s something I would miss. Something I would want. But it would and will never be again.
A painful memory, yet beautiful. I will remember…
A kept away secret in a locket that will never be. For it is love in its painful ways of its finite endings…
Cherished Memoir 