When it comes to work I’m not worried. I’ve already felt the need of working to work to get money. I worked and worked and worked. I put my best foot forward. I was the best and became “the perfect.” It was something of the time being. It was something that I had to do for the sake of paying off my bills, living life, and loans. I lived paycheck to paycheck and did so much overtime that life outside of work was non-existent.
My insides, my mentality, my emotional being was so done, was so gone and so tired. I always asked, is this really the life I want to be for me? Was this the life I wanted for me to always wake up at this time and to just go and get yelled at? It was only temporary. It is only for now is what I thought. I am thankful for it. I’ve learned so much from it. You wake up at the same time everyday. You see the same people and then you see people come and go. It made me think time is moving too fast. When am I able to live outside these walls? It’s something you don’t think about until you’ve had enough of it. It was so draining that once it was over I didn’t have the energy to live outside of it. The consumption became my breath. My breath became well more breaths…but still it wasn’t something I wanted to live for.
I will live for what I want to live for. I don’t want to go for the purpose of just making money. But money is necessary in order to live within the means of this life so I do not disregard it. I just put it hand in hand with what purpose I want with it. I’ve already lived for working to just make money for the sake of paying what you need to without a real purpose. When I work, I want to make money but also with something I can balance myself with. I’m not worried. I know the tricks and things with it. People can be so ignorant without so much research. People can be naive without much experience. I’ve lived to live. But now I want to live to really live how I want to live.
Everyone doesn’t go the same speed as others as well not in the same phase in life.
What matters is understanding. Understanding can take as much as experiencing a lot but also at least speaking to enough people. I’ve spoken to hundreds of thousands of people in my life as of this point. By being in one such past company where it was required to talk to 80 to 100 people per day for 5 days per week and for 6 years, those numbers just adds up. If you maximize it, that’s 500 people for 5 days a week. You’re doing this throughout the whole year on the business days. There’s 251 working days in 2019 in the US, you multiply that to 100 people. You get 25,100 people you talked to in one year. If you multiply that for the 6 years I was there, it would be 150,600 people I talked to throughout the world. That’s a hundred thousand people too much for one person to handle. You have a quota, you have a time limit, you have work policies and standards, people trying to speak english, and you balancing out how to convey the problems to whatever department that you would need to have helped you in assisting. Emotional draining work as well.
I purposely was aware of what I was doing. I was obtaining knowledge while doing my job. So I am aware and knowledgeable about the different cultures of people, the different professions, the different attitudes, and the mannerisms people can have when speaking. I even learned when someone is lying to me or they can speak to me and I don’t know what they are saying I can just figure it out without a thought. So don’t underestimate my burnout with that helluva job. I did what I was told. I did what I had to do. So now, I’m doing what I should be doing to live my life, which people need breaks if they feel like they tried to save the world or such. Maybe, possibly, yeah…
It’s time I make impact and go towards my calling.
I’ve been told to do this. I’ve been told to do that. I’ve been brainwashed and programmed to do this and that through social media news feeds and stories. I’m done. I already know what’s what. I already know what I need to do. And I’m going to do it because it’s the best time for it. It will take some years but I’m not worried while earning money along with it. Trust me. I get it.
People can judge my life and think I did nothing for the past couple years but nope I’ve been studying. I’ve been studying and testing what works and what doesn’t work for me. Trial and error it is for me. I’ve been also reading about how people have done with their life. The plethora of other people’s experiences are filled in my brain. Sometimes you need the time for yourself to figure things out. It’s what makes you take a step back from life without being a headless chicken. So think what you think but I’ve read up on enough and talked to a lot of people enough that I know how life can work in many ways. There’s always a system in anything you do and the first thing to do is put yourself into it or observe or read/talk about someone in it and then you pretty much get the gist. It’s good, I get it. I’m thankful I had my time to relax about it but now I need to jump right back into the system and life. By getting back into the human routine of things is going to suck, but that’s life. I’m going to have to balance that out with fun. But that is okay. Let’s go. Let’s get it. Get at me.
Cherished Memoir 